Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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