Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
