Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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