i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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