No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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