I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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