Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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