dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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