I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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