her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's shark week go big or go home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
