I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
