those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
