Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
