Life is so much better after having sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
