i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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