Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your penis caused this!
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