Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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