i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
