So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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