i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
