I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
