hotel room ftw
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
