Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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