yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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