my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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