just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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