An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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