I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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