I just saw a hot homeless man
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
