So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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