I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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