I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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