you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
