There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
