You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
