at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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