Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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