from now on my penis is your penis
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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