Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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