Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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