I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Randomize
