he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
