Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
