This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
