We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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