Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!