i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
