Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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