For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
