im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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