talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
