Your face is a jimmy john
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
