The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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