I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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