Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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