The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
