people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
