Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
