Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
