After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
