At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
